just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
