We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My cat gives me a boner
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
