Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
