Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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