This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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