gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
