your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
