yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
