we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
