I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
this hospital has no fireball
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
