no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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