Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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