I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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