I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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