My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
