im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
