if i can run in heels then i can drive
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
