You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
