I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
