Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Enjoy the penises
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
