i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
