best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He shit in the fireplace
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
