he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize