u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
