VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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