gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
