I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
