I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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