apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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