i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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