her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
