I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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