WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
