tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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