just come out here and I will go home with you...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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