I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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