i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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