ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
