I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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