Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i will never coherently bang her
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
