I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
