Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
