I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
