I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize