i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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