I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
