The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
