she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
