you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize