i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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