what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
