Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize