my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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