This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
