i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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