We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
