Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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