I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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