She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize