i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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