The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
