Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
