just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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