i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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