they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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