Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
