i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize