Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
