i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
