Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
