Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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