I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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