I can't breathe out the right side of my face
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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