You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
