so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
