Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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