goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
