I think my vagina is haunted
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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