Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
