Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
