my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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