Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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