No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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