He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
