I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So squirting runs in the family.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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