Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
