Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
