dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
