hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize