Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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