Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
