dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
