you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
