He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
