I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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