Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
