guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
