took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
