Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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