Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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