is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Randomize
