you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
