Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
