i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She told me I should be a condom model.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
